Memo to Hollywood

Dear Hollywood:

I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you seem incapable of thinking in a logical fashion as a group, and therefore have no friends in your inner circle with the brainpower to break it to you. I hope you are all sitting down, because this may shock you and be undeniably hard to hear.
When you win an Oscar for a movie, it does not validate your political views. What it does validate is your ability to make a good movie in the eyes of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and nothing more. This does not even validate that fact that your movie is empirically good. It is recognition from one very small group of people, who frankly, have been known to make some really odd mistakes anyway (did anyone else laugh to see the star of Snow Dogs, Cuba Gooding Jr. on the stage with the other icons of supporting actor Oscar fame--Hilarious. I would have thought the academy would try to bury that bad call, not dredge it back up). I congratulate you for your accomplishment, it means you made someone laugh, cry, or think. What it certainly does not mean, however, is that you made anyone agree with you or like your views. Do not use your acceptance speech as an opportunity to grandstand about your beliefs or belittle the very people paying $9.50 a seat to watch you perform in the movie--it makes you look like a jerk. In fact, great movies have been made about people who are entirely reprehensible, but to follow your line of thinking, these beliefs are now okay and validated. Did you hear that, Monster followers? Being a murdering prostitute just got a thumbs up from Hollywood--go to town (just make sure it's their town and not mine)!!! What would you think if Charlize Theron had gotten up and made a speech that the right to murder was being oppressed and someday our propensity to lock up these monsters will be the shame of our grandchildren? Million Dollar Baby did not make it ok to pull the plug on disabled people or condone the view that to live a life as a quadriplegic is a worthless life (in fact I was working with quadriplegics and paraplegics at the time it came out and all of them were disgusted and offended by the assumption they were better off dead). I am not saying in any way at all that the rights of murderers, the disabled, or gay people are in the same category, rather that you are saying it--if you embrace your own convoluted logic that winning awards for movies validates the subject matter. Be grateful that someone recognized your expertise in your area, and be thankful that you were given a great platform to showcase your views to the world through your film, but do not confuse one with the other. Just say thank you and then shut up.

We all know that your job is secretly not that hard, and if you do not use lavish ceremonies to honor yourselves at every turn, the world just might catch on to the fact that the emperor is indeed naked. We understand that you can't live without validation, but we are not interested in being told what to do by someone whose only claim to credibility comes from being placed in front of a microphone. Get your validation where it's due, and leave me and my views out of it, I'm bobbing along my own imperfect path with enough direction from people I value, your barking comments are just annoying white noise. It's self-importance like this that makes it so dang satisfying to see pictures of you picking your nose on TMZ. Have you ever thought that the paparazzi wouldn't have a market if you didn't make it so deliciously enjoyable to watch you get your comeuppance for your pomposity?

Thank you,
From a normal human being who just wants to watch good movies.

PS. If I ever take myself as seriously as Sean Penn, I give someone permission to slap me.