So, you're saying this is a big deal?

I saw a commercial the other day that I just didn't get. It was for those new Purex sheets that go from the washer and dryer with the soap and stuff already in them. Sure, it's kind of a cool idea, I'll listen. The lady in the commercial went on to say something like this:

"I mean, I'd take a small improvement to my day, but this makes my life a thousand times better!"

My first thoughts went something like this: "Um. Okay. Really? A thousand times better? Do me a favor and let's NEVER trade lives, okay?"

Soon, however, I saw the light. This can not possibly be a insane marketing ploy, this must be true! They wouldn't say it if it wasn't true! Firstly, laundry is in fact--despite the near magic washing machine and electric dryer--the worst thing that has happened to me or anyone else in the world--move over AIDS in Africa. I can not tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep over the burden of being able to afford decent clothes that I am nearly crippled by the responsibility to keep clean. The weight on my soul is crushing. Also, while I'm pointing this out--if I were to change just one thing about how I do laundry it wouldn't be the pre-treating, the sorting, the folding or hanging up of clean clothes, or the touching of other people's dirty skivies. Oh, no! It would be to eliminate the 10 seconds it takes me to fill the little cup and downy ball with soap and fabric softener, and the .5 seconds it takes me to reach up to the shelf to grab a dryer sheet and toss it in the dryer with the clothes. Ten point five seconds saved equals a one thousand times better life.
Who wouldn't take that deal?
Besides, the fact that it will take an extra hour of overtime to pay for the difference in price between the liquid and the 10.5 second saving miracle sheets, is my husband's problem, not mine.

Thank you so much, marketing world. You have once again offered some much needed perspective and shed light on a true tragedy--ten second increments of precious time going utterly wasted.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch some more commercials. I hope that one with Kelly Ripa tossing cookies to kids while closing the dryer with her toes comes on so I can get even more cranky!