Rest and Relaxation

So, I bought this new little gadget to help me stay active after the baby comes, called a fitbit. One of the nutty little things it does is besides tracking steps and calories burned is to track my sleep.
That would be awesome, if it wasn't so darn depressing.
It tells you how long you slept and how many times you awakened during the night (like if you were tossing and turning and fidgeting, even if you don't remember it).
I've only had it two nights. The first night, it said I woke up 20 times. The second, it said 14.
The joys of late pregnancy!!!

I can hardly wait to see what it says when there's a newborn sleeping three feet from my bed. I'm betting it will be so sad it's funny. As a side note, whoever came up with the phrase "sleeping like a baby" should be publicly flogged. No one makes more noise, or wakes up more than a baby! Not even me when I'm super pregnant and apparently waking up 20 times a night.

Perhaps because I'm getting so little of the quality kind these days, I've become a little obsessed with sleep. I've been reading about helping babies sleep and sleep cycles (REM sleep vs. NREM sleep, etc.) All this research and in some cases, just fantasizing about sleeping, has led me to write my own sleep cycle.
This is my 9-month along sample pregnancy sleep cycle...keep in mind, this only includes the awakenings I'm aware of, so add in 10 or so more at random, just for funsies.
10:00pm: Set up insane pillow fort to attempt comfort (Mine requires five different pillows: Two under my head to prevent heartburn/nausea, one under my belly for support, one behind my back to stop pain, and a body pillow called a snoogle that is like a 8 foot snake to cover all areas not covered by the other four, including also going under my head so I have a three pillow tower).
10:05pm: Realize I have to pee/forgot to take my vitamin/didn't set my alarm. Try in vain to use the Force to summon spouse from downstairs for non-peeing tasks, give up and get out of bed.
10:10pm: Rebuild pillow fort
10:30pm: Fall asleep the first time
11:00pm: wake up with nausea or heartburn, despite three pillow tower. Debate whether getting up and rebuilding fort is worse than continued heartburn. Make decision and either lay awake wanting to puke, or get up, take a Tums and rebuild the fort. Lie awake waiting for meds to kick in.
12:00pm: Wake up with contractions and back pain. Debate flipping over, which is a five minute process. Spouse senses internal debate and flips over twice in a minute. Show off.
1:30am: Realize I have rolled about 15 degrees too far onto my arm (and tummy) and said arm is now dead asleep, attempt to correct the situation results in about 10-15 minutes of painful arm tingling and awake time. Wait until arm stops tingling to realize I have to pee. Upon return, rebuild pillow fort.
1:45am: Mom getting up to pee makes fetus wake up and want to party! Try to fall asleep during crazy fetus party. Luckily, bladder kicking is relatively ineffective since trip to bathroom.
3:45am: Awake from crazy horrifying nightmare. Realize odds of baby being born with multiple heads/in a stadium full of onlookers, or killer hunting down family/house exploding/etc. are probably very much in favor of not happening, but just in case get up and check on other two children. Return to bed and repeat fetus party and rebuilding of pillow fort.
4:45am: Pee break! Repeat fetus party, but tired of rebuilding the fort, opt out of belly pillow.
6:15am: Spouse is up to get ready for work. I realize the vital importance of belly pillow when I wake up with belly pain and contractions and frantically search the floor to get it back. Say goodbye to hubby, and finally, fall asleep like a bump on a log.
7:30am: Hear unmistakable sounds indicating other children are awake and the night is over. Good morning, Sunshine!

Repeat nightly, and resist the urge to punch anyone who says "You look tired!" daily. I'm almost at the finish line! Soon enough, it will be someone else's pee and poop breaks I get to deal with all night long.

Hmmm, when I put it like that, it seems strange to be this excited for it. Then again, nobody ever said parenting wasn't full of weird contradictions. I'm gonna go take a nap.