Monday, September 27, 2010

A Little Ironic

Because Google reads everyone's email and tries to target ads specifically for you (which I find irritating and creepy by the way), my gmail is now touting banner ads to vote no on a prop that would do away with secret ballots for elections. Up at the top it says "Keep your secret ballot private!"

So, let me get this straight--you paid Google to read my email and target ad me based on my location because you believe so strongly in privacy? I guess they only really claim to support privacy in the voting process, because privacy in personal correspondence is SOOOO passe. I might as well be wishing for the return of the 8-track.

If I didn't hate the whole "big brother" aspect of gmail in general, I'd be laughing harder.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Well, okay, then. Carry on.

On Tuesday, Sam and I were reading books on the couch. I was feeling cuddly, so I said "Sam, would you like to come sit on my lap while we read?"
Sam looked at me, thought for a moment, and said, "No danks, Mommy. I just sit on my own butt."

Hmmm, I had nothing to say to that at all. On the one hand, I was thrilled that she said "no thanks"--how polite! On the other hand, I didn't even know she knew the word butt. On the third hand, she did use it properly and wasn't trying to insult anyone and be rude and it's not like it's a word we don't use. Finally, I got myself to stop laughing and said "Well, okay then, let's read."

Sometimes I wonder if Sam is really 2 1/2, or if she's like a really small six year old. Despite being around for every day of her life, I still wonder.

Monday, September 20, 2010

There are worse parents...

So, the last little while, Sam has officially "discovered" Dora the Explorer. She's seen it before, but lately she's been asking to watch it, and singing the songs, and all around enjoying Dora. I knew this day would come, because Dora has more marketing dollars spent on her than Charlie Sheen does for damage control, and it was only a matter of time before the flood leaked into our house.

However, while I certainly have no desire to be one of those obnoxious helicopter parents who sleeps in their kids' dorms for the first three weeks of college because they just can't bear to leave them behind, I've been forced to come to the conclusion that Dora's parents are pretty darn negligent. I mean, really. They exist, because they show them on occasion, so this isn't one of those shows where they just don't mention her parents and we're supposed to assume Dora's world is in her imagination or something. She has a house, and both her parents live in it--presumably "raising" her twin baby siblings, although they seem to spend more time with Dora supervised by only a preschool-age monkey in red boots than they do at home. Lately, I've been imagining an episode taking place with Dora's parents while Dora is exploring. Here's a rough draft of the script.

A visitor comes to the "Explorer" house (for lack of a better last name).
Dora's Mom: "Hi there, come on in! We're watching TV."
Visitor: "Hi! So, uh, where are your kids?"
Dora's Mom: "Oh, I don't know. Dora put the twins in a wagon and said something about taking a baby crocodile over to his mother in the rainforest. I zoned out when I heard the word 'volcano.' That kid is always talking about something, you know. Do you want something to eat?"
Visitor: "No thanks. So, wow, your four-year-old just took the babies across the volcano? Isn't that really dangerous? Are they going to be ok?"
Dora's Dad: "Eh, don't worry. They do stuff like this all the time. Dora's got a little purple backpack filled with all sorts of random crap to keep her safe. You know, space suits and stuff. It probably weighs more than she does, but I didn't see a sign of a hump on her spine when she came home for an hour last Tuesday. She'll be fine."
Visitor: "Ok. I guess. So what about the babies? Will they be okay with a four-year-old babysitter going over a volcano!?"
Dora's Mom: "Geez, chill out. It's not just a four-year-old. Her little monkey friend is with her, and he's pretty responsible as monkeys go. Besides, the twins can fly, so it's not like they have no way to get over the volcano. Sheesh, what kind of mother do you take me for?"
Visitor: "Your babies can fly?"
Dora's Dad: "Yeah, they've got superpowers. We would keep them home more often, but what are you going to do? Infants gotta fly..."
Visitor: "Can Dora fly?"
Dora's Mom: "Oh, heavens, no. But she's always got random animal friends coming by driving various modes of transportation--planes, trains, cars. I've introduced her to everyone in the area, so it's not like she's in the car with strangers. And she always wears a seat belt. I guess I'm just kind of strict like that, but you've got to keep your kids safe."
At this point, Dora's Dad gets bored by the conversation, belches, and turns his full attention back to the TV.
Visitor: "Well, yeah. But isn't that evil fox always waiting to steal things from kids? What's his name, Swiper?"
Dora's Mom: "Hey, well, if you want to raise your kids that you'll always come to the rescue so they can never deal with bullies on their own, that's your prerogative. I prefer to let her learn how to take care of business. If she can't stand up for herself and keep her hands on her stuff, she's the one who can dig through the wilderness looking for it. Maybe it will teach her to be a little quicker on her 'Swiper, no swipings!' I don't know about you, but I don't want a whiny little preschooler, who can't even deal with a simple evil fox."
Visitor: "Alright, then. Well, it's been nice to see you, and if you'll excuse me, I have to make a call. (whispers) CPS."
Dora's Mom: "See ya later. Hey on your way out, will you grab me a beer? Or in Spanish...cerveza!"

I really doubt Nick will ever air my show, but for cross-promotion, I'm sure Diego's parents could swing by for a movie marathon or something on occasion. It's not like they're all that involved either...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dad is the Rainmaker

The last several nights, Sam has been stuffy and waking up with a cough in the night. The problem is, her throat hurts and she's still half asleep, so she just panics, runs into our room crying, and that makes the coughing worse until she starts to gag. It's a game we played 10 times the night before last. Finally, at 1 am today, Daniel thought to put the humidifier in her room so she would (hopefully) not have the sore throat and stop the cycle. We could really use the sleep, and I'm glad he thought of it, because seriously, between me getting up a million times a night this pregnancy and Sam's visits, I'm sleeping in 30 minute spurts that just aren't cutting it!

Not only did Sam sleep soundly from 1am until 8 this morning (a major miracle because she wakes up by 7 no matter how little sleep she gets!), but I had forgotten she was out cold in our bed while Daniel set up the humidifier in her room, and she stayed asleep when we put her back to bed. Sam woke me up this morning by running into my room and excitedly yelling "Mom!!! Mom!! There is a blanket, a machine, and CLOUDS in my room!!! Come look! Clouds!"
I tried to explain to her that the machine wasn't making actual clouds, but mist to help her throat, and Daddy put it in there--she seemed convinced some Santa-like figure had visited. Finally, she made this totally shocked face and then stood there grinning. Then I figured out why--she now thinks her Daddy makes the clouds.
Now, I know this girl already thought the sun rose and set with her Dad, but now, apparently, she also thinks he creates the weather with his "machine." Oh well, there's time enough for her to observe our mistakes and figure out we're both painfully human. In the meantime, I hope Daniel enjoys being the bringer of clouds.

He should be riding high today--not only is he the mightiest dad in the world to Sam, but we found out yesterday that the new baby is a boy--he's getting a son. Not a bad 24 hours, I'd say!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Miracles happen

For those who know me personally, but have totally given up on my private family blog, I have finally updated it with new pictures of Sam.
See, miracles happen.
Try not to get too excited, it's nothing special, I just know even the most faithful have pretty much given up checking for my bi-monthly updates. :)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Interesting Prayers

Lately, we have been letting Sam lead the way and say her own prayers with whatever she feels like praying for. The results have been some interesting prayers from Sam. Here are some of my favorite Samisms while addressing the Almighty. Frankly, I'm thrilled she's over the three month phase of saying "Heavenly Father. Danks Blessings. Amen." That got old fast.

"Please bless Daddy be safe of the freeway. Please bless me be safe on the freeway. Please bless Mommy to take me swimming." (Daniel's response: It would take divine intervention for me to put on a swimsuit and go in the pool these days. So true--my belly has outgrown the only swimsuit I've bought since I was in the 8th grade, and I have no desire to go shopping for a new swimsuit.)

"Danks for Super Why! And please bless me to watch Super Why tomorrow."

Every prayer, no matter how short, includes the line "Please bless Robby Stevie on der missions." Her twin uncles are serving in Argentina and Uruguay (or will be when they're done with language training), and lately, since Steve has been sick, she adds "Please bless Robby and Stevie at da doctor." Explaining to her that Robby hasn't needed to go to the doctor has done nothing for us.
Sometimes she also adds "Please bless me to go on a mission. To Home Depot and Sam's Club." Why she wants to serve a mission so badly, and further to those particular stores, we don't know. It's funny though and she has never ever wavered from listing those two stores as her goal.

"Please bless my Mack and G to come visit for Banksgiving."

"Dank you for my alphabet." (we put a new alphabet strip in her room that day) Then she added "Dank you for H...Dank you for I....Dank you for J, K, L, M, N, O, P."

"Please bless Mommy and da new baby. It comes out after Christmas." I like this because it's neither a request or a thanks, just some info the Lord might want, I guess?

"Bless Daddy at basketball."

"Danks for my toys. Danks for my house. Danks for my blankies. Bless me to stay in my bed. Amen."

Amen, indeed. Funny kid.