Thursday, October 30, 2008

Oh no, you di-unht!

So, now that my baby is over 6 months old I finally decided to get on the ball and buy a baby book to preserve all the precious memories I had every intention of scrapbooking. Too bad I never print pictures, I guess, because I'm exactly 6 months behind. I have 3 pages done. Ooops. Time for plan B.
I bought a cute little baby book at Target, it's pink, it doesn't look too intimidating as far as remembering dates and other minor milestones my Mommy brain forgot, so I decided to get started.
On the third page, I see this little snippet...
"While she was pregnant, Mommy gained ______ pounds and Daddy gained _____ pounds."
What the!!!???
They did not just ask me to put that in my baby book, did they?
There are two major problems with this line. First, the blank is not long enough for me to write "none of your business, Posterity" like I want to. I love my daughter more than anything and for her I have given up sleeping through the night (resulting in dark circles under my eyes only the Joker would envy), obliterated my once stretch-mark free stomach, turned my chest into an all-you-can-eat snack bar, and I am still weeping over not getting back into my pre-pregnancy jeans yet (or any time soon, since I fall into the teeny percent of women who do not lose weight while nursing, thanks again, genetic betrayal that is my body type). So excuse me if I draw a line in the sand and refuse to document how fat I got on top of it. I didn't even go over recommended amounts on my weight gain--I can't even imagine how ticked off I would be if I gained 100+ pounds or something. I feel like this is a book of Sam's accomplishments, not a chance for her friends to look back some day and say "Holy cow, your mom can really pack it on!" Let's just leave that nasty detail buried in a dark corner of my medical record to be found only if I fall victim to some malady only House can diagnose and my pregnancy weight gain turns out to be the pivotal key to my cure, mmmkay?
Secondly, Daddy gained zip, zero, nada, no pounds at all. Big goose egg. In fact, since we've been married, he's gained nothing in the weight department. Emotional baggage aplenty, but no physical weight. I've gained my weight and his. His biggest worry about his own body is probably that I will run out of chocolate and eat him someday. I'm pretty sure I can't put a big round 0 in the book next to "daddy"without following it with a vindictive and insulting name for him, and swearing does not belong in our cherished memories. Besides, that is only cutesy if Daddy gained anything, mom's weight gain next to dad's zero is just a little sad.
With all due respect to the people at Carters, I am crossing that line out!!!
That, and the line for Sam's social security number. This is supposed to be a keepsake to look through, not a bounty if some visitor low on cash decides to become an identity thief because we made it painfully easy to do so! Yeesh, people!


Natalie said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog. I am enjoying reading yours as well. Love your totally random thoughts, very funny.

Natalie said...

oops, I called them "totally" random...meant to say truly, sorry!

Diane said...

I know how you feel, My oldest is 13 now, and I'm still carring around the extra weight. I keep waiting for it to come off on it's own, LOL. I never lost any weight nursing either.